6 October 2024

[spinalaves]

 6 October 2024

i am walking alongside this wall that is very scuffed but beautiful

because there are these great Apes that walk beside me.

and they are looking

and when i ask them what are you looking at?

they say, we are looking at You

and it becomes very uncomfortably clear that i am
the natural history these paintings are observing.

what happens to us, they say, when we grow into the finest form the gods have ever wanted us to become. and 
i am scared . never

has the open curiosity of a child been this welcoming .
the kind of lovesick terror you get . from remembering . from knowing.

they know — scuffed fingers moving — they know i,

cracked mirror, is what they will be 

repulsed to become.

an eye meets an eye meets an eye and they seem to understand, rabid
beast, teeth wild and delicate . what lies
ahead, they are scared. 
nonetheless, i will need to leave . nonetheless,
i will need to live .
when their lips seal closed, i go on without them.